


learns to cry over love of constellations

by brandywine421



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-19 10:09:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1465501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandywine421/pseuds/brandywine421
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Cap's running the show, I'm just a bit player.  Maybe a producer at most," Fury grumbled.  "Romanoff needs to be let off her leash and Cap needs someone he can trust watching his back.  HYDRA and SHIELD are assumed synonymous to him and you have the clearance to pick out threats his varied sidekicks won't."</p>
<p>"You're assigning me as Captain America's security detail?" Melinda blurted out.</p>
<p>(Spoilers for CA2: TWS and 'Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.')</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for CA2: TWS and 'Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.' - AU.
> 
> I have no excuse as to where this came from but it's fun. I think Agent May and Cap would be friends if they ever happened upon the same firefight.

 

"I've got another assignment, if you're up for it.  I'm not exactly in charge anymore," Fury said, scanning Melinda appraisingly.

"Like anyone left believes that," she replied dryly.

"I talked to Phil.  Are you sure you can't make it work on his team?"

Melinda nodded without hesitation.  "Since I'm an accused traitor, it would be problematic.  I'm compromised."

Fury lowered his gaze finally.  "I think we all are.  There are a lot of splinter groups you could join up with."

"Maria's working for Stark, Barton's eating coconuts with Banner and Natasha's trailing Rogers like a guard dog.  Pretty sure you're in charge of that splinter and I want to be on the team that's going to make the biggest impact," Melinda said.

"Cap's running the show, I'm just a bit player.  Maybe a producer at most," Fury grumbled.  "Romanoff needs to be let off her leash and Cap needs someone he can trust watching his back.  HYDRA and SHIELD are assumed synonymous to him and you have the clearance to pick out threats his varied sidekicks won't."

"You're assigning me as Captain America's security detail?" Melinda blurted out.

"I don't think he needs protecting, May, but everyone needs backup they can trust.  Cap isn't going to give up on HYDRA and I'd rather have you following his lead than going vigilante on mine.  It's a spy's world now and that's never been Rogers' world."

Melinda studied him now.  "You're going rogue."

"We're all rogue now, Agent May," Fury replied darkly.  "I can't give you any orders but..."

"I'll follow your lead, Nick.  For now.  But if you need backup - "

Fury nodded.  "We'll be in touch.  Make sure Romanoff fills you in on Cap's deathwish."

She rolled her eyes.  "Anyone with a TV knows about Rogers' deathwish."

It didn't hurt as much as she'd thought to walk away from the team.  Coulson's team.  But she didn't think she could follow an 'ally' into the battles to come when she'd signed on to follow a friend.

Fury was alive and she trusted him more than a team that could believe she was a traitor.  She could've stayed if it had been any of the others, but not Phil.  The real Phil would have known better.

* * *

 

"It's more public than you're used to," Maria said, clinking her glass with Natasha's before tapping Melinda's.

"He only goes to the hearings you pick for him," Natasha said, dropping her stare finally and smacking a folder on the table in front of her.  "He does okay choosing the extracurricular appearances but he'll go to anything that Stark throws at him so you have to keep in touch with Pepper Potts."

"So I'm his personal assistant?  Is that what I'm signing on for?"

Maria snorted.  "Don't worry, that's the least of your problems."

Natasha nodded.  "Steve has no concept of self-preservation.  He considers his body as much of a shield as the metal one and a lot of people take advantage of that.  He stopped to help a pregnant lady at a diner last week and she had C-4 strapped to her stomach.  He's a quick study so he's up to date on defusing simple bombs now."

Melinda wondered what she was getting into.  "So it is a security detail."

Natasha frowned.

"It's not a mission, May.  Steve's...important.  He needs people to stand beside him, stand with him," Maria said.  "We need to trust you in this.  If you're on our side..."

"He's going to take down HYDRA, one by one if he has to.  That's the only side that I care about," Natasha interrupted, reaching for the file.

She snatched it out of her fingers.  "No.  I'm just trying to see what I'm walking into.  Without SHIELD, or Fury, I don't have a backup plan.  All my covers were blown, too.  I'm sure Coulson's team will do good work but I can't be a part of it if they don't trust me."

Natasha's eyes flashed at the mention of one of her mentors and Melinda knew that she hadn't forgiven Fury for that particular omission.

"I trust you.  We've all been trained to lie by default, I can't judge you for that and if Phil was thinking clearly, he wouldn't either.  We've all told Fury's lies at one point or another," Maria said.  "That's in the past."

"Cap's speech broadcast on the day of the fall was pretty convincing.  I'll give it a chance, see if he lives up to the name," Melinda decided.

"I'm going off grid to shut down some HYDRA operatives.  I report to Cap, he's the hub for the hunt for HYDRA," Natasha said, relaxing as much as the spy ever did.

"HYDRA's the sole focus of Cap's attention but they're not the only threats.  Triage is a major problem right now because everyone wants a piece of SHIELD's carcass and there's not much organization for our kind of good guys," Maria admitted.  "A lot of people will follow Captain America's lead but there's not a lot of people that we can trust to help him sort through it."

"You watch his back, Melinda.  You won't have to worry about a demotion, I'll kill you if anything happens to him on your watch," Natasha said.

She raised an eyebrow but she didn't doubt that The Widow meant it.

"I owe him my life.  And possibly my redemption," Natasha added under her breath.

"I'll do my best.  How'd I make the list?" she asked, looking to Maria.

"As soon as you told Fury you wanted off Coulson's squad, he pitched you to Steve.  The three of us vouched for you and Steve doesn't completely trust Coulson's judgment with the Clairvoyant mess still unresolved.  He probably won't trust you completely at first, but he respects your record and your judgment from your files," Maria said.

"He'll trust you until you give him a reason not to," Natasha replied.

* * *

 

"Okay, so last thing," Maria said, her wine glass wavering slightly as she raised it to her mouth.

Melinda was possibly a little tipsy but she wasn't about to show it in front of the stoic Russian.

"Don't sleep with him unless you're prepared to never have fulfilling sex again.  There's no going back," Maria continued, sloshing slightly.

Natasha actually smirked.

"You _slept_ with him?"

"Like you wouldn't if you had the chance," Maria scoffed.

"And you'll probably have the chance," Natasha said evenly.  "He has no game whatsoever but watching him in action - "

"Instant aphrodisiac.  Jump him after a fight and he'll blow your mind," Maria said wistfully.

"Shut up," Melinda whispered in disbelief.

"He's in love with a woman in her nineties but that doesn't mean he's not lonely and hot," Maria shrugged.

"It's not like that.  It might not be love, but never doubt that it means something to him," Natasha said.  "There's a reason people think he's a virgin.  What happens in his bed is private."

"And amazing," Maria added.

"I'll keep it in mind," she said.  If he looked anything like he did on camera, she probably wouldn't be able to keep anything else in mind.

* * *

 

_"I'm not having this argument with you today."_

_"You have this argument with me every day."_

_"Not today, you're giving me a headache and I have things to do."_

_"Cap..."_

_"Not before eight."_

_"Steve."_

Melinda stepped into the sparsely decorated but overly furnished living room behind Natasha.  Tony Stark was perched on the back of a leather loveseat and her new mission was sprawled across a massive futon with a stripe of dried blood across his bare chest.

She didn't know how Natasha could keep her eyes off his chiseled body but Melinda was a professional, too.

"Sit rep?" Natasha asked.

"Who's this?" Stark asked, scanning her with an intensity she wasn't expecting.  "One of yours?"

"Fury and Maria cleared her.  Agent May, right?" Captain America's eyes were crystal blue and she accidentally held her breath.  There was something in those eyes that won wars.  That started wars.

"I don't have to call her 'agent', do I?" Stark asked.

"Be nice, Tony, she's on our side," Cap said.

"Being nice is your shtick," Stark muttered.

" _Melinda_ ," Natasha said with an evil wink, "Has volunteered to help out with the cause."

"I want to take down HYDRA and I hear that your allies have the best shot," she said.

"I don't need allies, I need friends," Cap replied absently.

Stark rolled his eyes.  "How are you even a soldier with ideals like that?"

Melinda didn't believe in fate but his choice of words had cinched her decision.

"She needs to know about The Winter Soldier," Natasha said.

"The assassin?  I thought he was neutralized in the crash," Melinda narrowed her gaze.  She was so tired of secrets.

Steve sat up and rolled his shoulders.  "He saved my life."

"Barnes was the one that nearly killed you - he is _not_ your friend," Tony said sharply.

"Tell her.  She needs to know and you have to be the one to tell her," Natasha told Steve.  Melinda took in the way they talked to their commanding officer with interest.  Who was in charge here?

Melinda glanced between them and scrolled through her memory of the files.  "Who's Barnes?"

"James Buchanan Barnes was my best friend.  HYDRA turned him into an assassin.  He's - he's still in there," Steve said.

"For fuck's sake, I need coffee for this," Tony sighed.

"Tony.  Please.  Later, okay?  I followed your rules even though I disagree with them.  Be a good host and get coffee for the ladies while I wind up for our bickering session," Steve said.

Natasha cleared her throat when Stark retreated with an annoyed glare.

Steve scrubbed his hand over his face.  "I'm compromised because I don't think The Winter Soldier deserves to die.  He's my best friend even if he wants me dead."

Melinda glanced at Natasha.  "That's a pretty serious statement."

" _It's insane!"_ Tony yelled from the kitchen.

"Barnes was part of Zola's experiments but he 'died' before anyone knew.  He shouldn't have survived but he was mind-wiped and programmed to be a killer," Natasha said.

"He's still in there.  I know he is.  He saved my life," Steve said.

Natasha's eyes flashed.  "That's still up for debate," she hissed, turning back to Melinda and settling her expression back to indifference after the short lapse.  "He's compromised to the point of blindness.  It wouldn't be a problem if the aforementioned assassin wasn't following Cap like a bloodhound.  He's taken out more HYDRA operatives than we have in the past two weeks, he pops up after almost every mission with Cap."

"Whose side is he on?" Melinda asked, watching Steve.

"It doesn't matter, he's a wild card," Tony answered, returning with cups and a large bottle of unlabeled brown mush that he handed to Steve as he dropped beside him on the futon.  "The Winter Soldier has given no sign that he's Bucky Barnes and until he does, he's HYDRA."

"I hate this," Steve frowned at the bottle.

"Then you need to stop being a martyr and eat real food.  Drink it and we can get to work," Tony said.

"I didn't expect superheroes to be this 'emo'," Melinda muttered.

"Hey," Tony snapped.  "He knew the guy longer than he's known anyone in this century, he's earned a little emo.  He's got his mission set to save Barnes but we've got our mission set to save Cap."

"Steve's not allowed to engage the Soldier.  So far, he hasn't made a move to hurt him but even if he's breaking through his programming, he's volatile," Natasha said.

"They're overreacting," Steve said.  He squeezed his nose and drained the bottle with gulps that rippled his throat.  She blinked and saw Tony and Natasha forcing their eyes away.

"You let him shoot you in the belly and almost beat you to death.  If anything, we're 'underreacting' because we haven't killed the bastard yet," Tony muttered.

"I get it," Melinda interrupted when Steve glared at Tony with real hurt in his eyes.  "I missed a lot of the details when SHIELD fell, I need to catch up on issues outside of this little soap opera."

Natasha seemed pleased and Tony threw an arm around Steve and jostled him fondly.  "She already knows the rules, Cap, nice pick.  Bucky is low priority, right?"

Melinda caught Natasha's eye and slight head shake.

"Right," Steve said, deflating slightly under Tony's arm.  "Started a war, that's top priority.  I'm on it."

"We got this," Tony replied.

Melinda had a lot to learn before she could fit into this team.

* * *

 

She wasn't sure where she fit in Captain America's cobbled batch of minions but she didn't know enough to make a judgment on the organization yet.

Steve had been maudlin and defensive in the calm before the conferences but with the circle of holographic split screens of 'friends' not 'allies'; he was in utter control as he catalogued the briefings.

"We've got to do something about Montreal," Colonel Rhodes said.

"You need to stay in Chile until that portal's secure," Steve replied.  "Sue, do you think Johnny and Ben could get a lift to Canada?"

Melinda had never met The Invisible Woman and she was still surprised to see her linked in.  The Fantastic Four had never been on SHIELD's payroll but it was comforting to see they weren't on HYDRA's either.

"They're itching for some real action with Reed bunkered down in the lab," Sue replied.

"What about the laser sharks?" Steve asked

"I still can't believe you say that with a straight face," Barton snickered.  Melinda didn't know where he was but it looked tropical.

"Marco's team is active in that sector, he's deal with them before.  He speaks dolphin," Melinda said, scanning the maps.

"I like her," Tony smiled.

Steve glanced at his tablet.  "He's verified, give his team the lead."

"You know 'dolphin's' not a legitimate language, right?" Tony asked Steve.

Cap held his gaze steadily and let out a perfect imitation of a dolphin squeal.  She bit back her smile but even Natasha barked out a laugh at Stark's expression.

Tony flipped him off but the moment was another clue as to how they operated.  Cap made sure to know all his teammates on a personal level, learning their strengths and trusting their abilities.

She felt out of place, like she hadn't earned her seat at the roundtable but Barton and Cap looked to her for input regarding the SHIELD splinter cells and threats that she recognized.  She knew she had to earn her place to be fully involved in the battle to take down HYDRA but the clues so far were making her think she wanted to fit here.

"I've got video conferences all afternoon, you know the drill," Steve said finally.

"Route all updates to your tablet and call in before engaging in a fight," Barton recited.

"And?"  Steve gave him a look.

"Keep our comms on in the field," Sue replied.

"Be careful," Steve said, making the Vulcan sign for 'live long and prosper' before the screens cut out and only the maps and grids with threats and teams highlighted with stats scrolling underneath until highlighted for reading size.

"You're such a geek, I am totally taking credit for that in your next memoir," Tony preened.

Steve smiled easily and met her eyes with a nod of the chin.  "Sci-Fi's my guilty pleasure."

"Battlestar Galactica," Melinda said.

"Oh, he didn't do well with the reboot," Tony winced, shaking his head in despair.

"I wasn't prepared, you can't judge me," Steve defended.

"Go clean yourself up while I vet your newest handler," Tony said.

Steve shrugged and gave her an apologetic look.  "Everyone has to deal with him eventually."

Stark turned to her, leaning back thoughtfully.  "So."

She raised her eyebrow and he snorted.

"I swear they much teach a class on that for female agents."  He sobered quickly.  "Look, I don't know what you were told when you signed on but if Natasha trusted you then Cap's going to trust you.  But that's not why I wanted this little pow-wow.  Cap's important but it doesn't register with him.  The rest of us have to be his secret service and his cabinet all at once.  Sometimes you have to make the call."

"Care to give me an example?" she asked.

"He'll answer a call to a traffic accident as fast as he'll head into a den of HYDRA operatives.  His phasers are always set to stun, not kill and he will backtalk just about anyone no matter how important they are," Tony said.  "He's our leader, sure, but he's also a 27 year old kid that missed a whole lot of history, politics and technology.  Watching his back is more than just covering him in a firefight, it's keeping him from insulting the prime minister of countries that didn't exist in the 40s and keeping him from taking frivolous risks because he's bored.  Got it?"

"Noted," she replied.  27, _damn_.

"Sometimes you have to question him.  You have to be a teammate, not someone that just follows orders," Tony said, more serious than she expected considering his reputation.

"I always do my best, Stark.  That hasn't changed even if I'm on a different team now," Melinda said.

"We'll see," Tony replied.  He reached under his couch and tossed her a tablet and an earpiece.  "It's uploaded and linked in so you can get a crash course on his meetings.  Wednesdays are bureaucracy days so no field work today.  I don't think he's decided where he's heading next, that'll be for tonight's meeting.

"I know I'll have to prove myself, I'm not new.  If I have questions, I'll ask them."

Tony accepted it with a short nod and pulled down a set of holograms filled with blueprints of tech she couldn't identify.

She was too curious not to make this work.

It helped that she hadn't thought about Coulson or her (old) team in hours.  This would work.

* * *

 

"How's your Spanish?" Steve asked her after the first round of mind-numbing briefs from the US military and assorted other peace-keeping branches.

"Fluent," she replied.  "Yours?"

"I am _Rosetta Stone_ approved in 28 languages right now but 'Tasha says I miss a lot of the social cues," he replied.

"I know how to look pretty and oblivious," Melinda said, earning a smile.  He smiled much easier than she expected from their new unofficial leader.

Her comm beeped softly before Maria spoke in her ear.  _"Got a nest in Queens, Cap, can you take it?"_

"Do you have someone to take these meetings?" Steve replied.

_"Potts can link up for a couple of hours if she gets your notes."_

"She's in my contacts, I'll send them," Melinda said and tapped her tablet appropriately.

"Stats?" Steve asked.

_"Uploading now.  Backup's supporting the Packers today.  National Guard's on cleanup but they won't go in until it's secured."_

Melinda finally understood why her room was filled with assorted sports paraphernalia.

Steve stood up and tapped something on his watch and several of the couch cushions flipped up.  That was a lot of guns.  "Gear up.  It's our first time out together and we need to learn each other's style.  Stay on my six and call your plays to me if you need to split off."

 _"Schematics and scans of the compound coming your way."_ She processed Stark's voice and wondered where he'd gone if he was on the team.  _"You want me to send a suit?"_

"Your drones will just blow our cover if they're scanning for them.  We'll call if we need air support.  Keep on those plasma bombs, we have to find an easier way to neutralize them if we plan on going into Seattle," Steve said absently.

She picked out her weapons and loaded up her vest and leg straps over her armor.  Steve had a screen pulled down when she moved to his side.  His eyes processed the building layout and sparse intel and delivery logs.  "It's a factory.  We have to assume the worst."

"I always assume the worst," she said and he glanced at her with a soft snort.

"We go in quiet, eliminate as many as we can before we make it loud.  Our backup's equipped to pick up the runners and we're in charge of stirring the nest," Steve said.  He paused long enough to hold out a white plastic sticker.  "White star keeps Bucky from targeting you."

She would have to question the tactic later but she stuck it to the back of her football jersey and followed him out.

* * *

 

Melinda knew the story of how Captain America never learned how to dance, before he plunged to his first death; but fighting with him in reality was too fluid to be anything other than a dance.

He moved with precision, countering every step their attackers made with spin-kicks or rapid fire blows.  She picked up his cues quickly, recognizing the angle of his body to anticipate the shield.  He seemed to know when she needed a beat to reload her pistols and they moved in sync despite the multiplying enemies.

It was definitely a factory but robots weren't her specialty and bullets didn't slow them down as much as they needed to find the source.

The shield sheared off a ladder leading to an upper catwalk and overlooking offices filled with HYDRA minions not made out of metal.

"Can you get me up there?" she asked, only slightly out of breath.

"Make you a step and give you a boost," Steve replied, flinging the shield again and toppling a cluster of recharging bots.

"There's got to be an off switch somewhere around here," she muttered, holstering her pistols and plotting her landing spot before Steve followed her eyeline and positioned his hands for her to get a running start for the momentary leap of faith as he boosted her momentum into a steady arc.  She caught the ledge and swung herself onto the catwalk to give chase to the scurrying operatives.

"If you find an open port, plug in the stick so Tony can get in the system," Steve said in her ear and she had her objective.  She picked off the agents that dared face her down as she fired on the retreating troops and jammed the USB stick into the first computer she found powered up.

" _The Soldier's on eighth street, he's picking off strays,"_ one of the outside agents said.

"Guess we're going out the front," Melinda said.

" _JARVIS is in the system, we're going to power surge the block when you find your exit_ ," Tony spoke.

"I'm coming to you, May, grab the stick and make sure your flashlight works," Steve said.

She didn't feel like she was working with a team of amateurs, or a team that expected her to turn on them at any moment; this op was professional and streamlined.  She could see why Romanoff and Hill respected the man enough to follow him into firefights after fighting by his side.

She was figuring it out.  Captain America was a national icon, but she was on Captain Rogers' team.  They met at the end of the catwalk under the busted exit sign and she calculated their location in the building.  "Not this exit, far end," she decided.

"It's not worth the risk," Steve replied.

"If the Soldier's covering this exit then we're using that one.  Don't make me fuck up protocol on my first day out," she said, grabbing his arm and nailing a straggling minion over his shoulder.

He acquiesced without another word and led the way to the far exit.  Compromised or not, he took her direction and walked away from the assassin he wanted to save.

* * *

 

Cap's suite at Stark Tower was deserted and she appreciated the quiet after the handshakes and salutes required to play nice with the freelance backup squads and the military support for cleanup and disposal.

She watched the Captain America facade slide from Steve's shoulder when the omnipresent AI confirmed privacy lockdown.

"Mandatory cool down period," Steve said, his eyes distant and his fists clenched.

"I'm completely okay with that order.  Where's the bar?" she asked.

He motioned to the right and she saw a full bar with sink next to a computer console.  "We're not up to date on their tech.  Those robots were new, Tony doesn't recognize the design," Steve muttered almost to himself.

"They haven't gotten the scraps yet to study, wait until after your time-out to think about it," Melinda said, finding a bottle of scotch that was worth more than her now defunct retirement fund.

She needed a shower but she was still wound up on adrenaline.  Steve was still clenching his fists.

"What's your routine?" he asked.  "The first thing Natasha does is brush her hair, doesn't matter if it's caked with blood, she has to brush it out.  Tony goes straight for the bar and Bruce to the pipe.  Clint and Sam kill zombies on the console and Thor eats until he throws up."

"Definitely not the last one," Melinda said.

"Come here, I'll patch you up.  Superglue is amazing for people like me that can't do stitches," Steve said, waving her over.

She didn't realize she was bleeding until he helped her off with the vest and stinging gashes smeared blood down her bared arms.  "I can take care of it."

"Sorry, but you're going to have to do my back and it's only fair if I patch you up first," he replied.

It seemed like a fair trade and his hands were hot against her sticky skin but gentle as he wiped away the blood.

"What's your routine?" she asked as the alcohol sting brought her out of the momentary lapse into TLC zone.  Her heartbeat was only a dull pulse in her head now.

"Didn't the others tell you?" Steve huffed.

"They were vague.  I like figuring things out on my own," she said, wondering if he would actually proposition her.

She wondered what she would do if he actually propositioned her.

"They should have warned you," he whispered, the superglue odor hitting her nose a moment before he drizzled the cool gel into the first of her cuts.

"Does it need a warning?"

"I need company.  I'm tactile, Nat says it's because I spent so long in the ice that I'm 'starved for touch', but she's frequently overdramatic," Steve said, soft in his confession as he held a wound closed between his fingers.  "It's not sexual."

She could see already how it could end up that way but she didn't doubt the man's honesty.  "So you like to cuddle."

"Or talk.  It's the tether I need to keep me from spiraling into my head when the fight's over.  Tony likes to flick rubber bands at me to keep me awake.  The only reason I'm bringing it up is that you're here and it would be nice if you could hang out for a few minutes until I get this out of my system," he added in a nervous rush.

"As long as I don't end up superglued to the furniture, I think I can handle some moderated cuddling."

Passing out with Captain America's head on her shoulder and a rerun of Dawson's Creek on the TV definitely wasn't the way she expected to finish her first mission off Coulson's watch.  
  


* * *

 

 

Steve didn't run his teams like anyone she'd ever met.  She found herself working with Sam, a soldier with mech-wings that had a quick wit and a heart of gold.  Then there was Johnny Storm, a bundle of fiery chaos that looked up at Steve like he was Jesus himself and didn't follow anyone else's instructions.  The most interesting backup had been the ex-CIA mercenaries that had a hacker and a sniper that made Tony and Barton puff up with indignation and alpha-level jealousy.  (She could see herself working with Clay's team in the future if they ever came back on the grid.)

She settled in as his watchman; checking his math and his maps, his wardrobe and his diet, his entries and his exits.  They worked in tandem and people started to recognize her and come to her with small issues without bothering him directly.  She was the point person for updates on the elusive assassin stalker since Cap wasn't allowed to discuss it without Tony or Natasha to mediate.

She liked having more control and respect than she'd earned with SHIELD but Cap's priorities were different and no one was getting paid.

Well, SI paid all their bills, but that wasn't the point.

Steve gave her mind-blowing backrubs after most of their ops now but their follow up teams tagged in for teenage soap marathons when they were on the road.  She couldn't let herself feel jealous that he cuddled up with the others with the same lack of self-consciousness that he did with her.  She had seen him openly make out with Tony and Pepper after a particularly rough run-in at a roller rink and it still took over an hour for him to stop shaking.  She had gone that route with Ward and ended up moping like a teenage girl and she wasn't willing to risk another team for comfort she could get from a backrub.  A really good backrub.

Her comm buzzed tonight when it was just the two of them bunkered down in a ritzy hotel in transit to Boise to meet Dr. Banner.  Steve was sprawled on his twin bed with holograms of the latest HYDRA cells deemed dangerous enough to need super-sized intervention for hours but he spoke when the call came in.

 _"May.  Coulson's team is compromised.  Ward's a mole,_ " Fury spoke in her ear.  She almost dropped her beer.

"Status?" Steve answered while she tried to process.

" _He got away with everything - he was holding the backups of all the bus' mainframe.  They're grounded somewhere in Montana and Ward's on the move.  They put down in the middle of a war zone, half the militias out there are linked to HYDRA_."

"Send us the details, how much time do we have to get there?" Steve asked without looking away from his tablet.

_"We're requesting a helicopter from the local police, it's going to be the fastest way into the area but you'll probably get shot down before you make the crash site.  You can reboot the quinjet if you hack the new passcodes."_

"If I upload JARVIS, that means the jet is mine," Steve said.  "Send me everything."

His hands were on her shoulders suddenly and he forced her to meet his eyes.  "How close are you to this?"

"They're my team," she said, cursing the shake in her voice but too stunned to fix it.

"We're going to get them.  But the mole - how close - " Steve urged, shaking her gently.

"He was my friend.  I trusted him.  Even when things went south between us on a...personal level, I still trusted him.  Fuck, I should have known - he trained under Garrett - "

Steve put his hand over her mouth.  "Shh.  Count to ten and then take a breath.  I need you for this."  She held his gaze.  "Ward is low priority.  Getting the good guys out is our primary objective.  Are you with me?"

She nodded and inhaled deeply when he lowered his hand.  "Who made contact?  Do we have a line in?"

"Working on it."

Steve was packing with single-minded intensity and his sharp questions spurred her into action.  "I know a little about Coulson from Nick, tell me about the others, May."

"Fitz and Simmons are barely field-worthy, they've got weapons and smarts but they're tactically useless in a battle unprepared.  Skye's a hacker, Ward trained her - Coulson watches her close, she's civilian through and through.  I think Triplett was filling my spot and he worked under Garrett, too.  He would have been the pilot.  They're all going to die," she realized, stuttering in place.

"Hey.  Never underestimate your people," Steve said.  "Take a step back and talk this through.  You know them, what kind of weapons are they using to keep shielded, are they camouflaged?  Melinda."

She focused on her weapons and quoted the quinjet's stats and upgrades and by the time she was done with her gear and her bag, Steve was standing in front of her with his shield on his back.

He reached out and cupped her chin.  He leaned in for a soft kiss that took her breath.  She trusted him and she wished it was more than comfort but it narrowed her focus to his eyes when he drew back. 

"We can do this.  You can do this."

She pulled him down for another kiss, searching for his faith.

"They're not going to take anyone else from us," she said when she pulled back.

"Can I give you lead on this?" he asked, shifting into Cap and switching her into action.

"You don't think I'm too compromised?" she asked.

He gave her a look.  "You'd tell me if you were."

"I'll fly the chopper and find the bus, you play with Stark's toys and keep those missiles off our trail," she said.

 

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

 

If Melinda hadn't been familiar with Fitz's upgrades, she would have never spotted the disguised plane in the thick forest.  HYDRA agents were combing the area but the helicopter caught their attention and they baited them with a pre-plotted crash several miles away from their drop zone.

Cap depended on his shield as his primary weapon but he knew his way around guns and knives.  Despite his size, he was deathly quiet stalking through the woods toward the hidden quinjet.

She just hoped Tony's tech could get it back in the air.  She hoped there were survivors.

" _Cap, what's your location?"_ Maria spoke in her ear.

Melinda answered.  "We should be coming up on the quinjet, do you have a line in yet?  They're going to have to lower the cloaking to let us in."

" _May_?"

She huffed in relief and felt the buzz of a bullet past her ear as Steve picked off a minion she hadn't spotted a few yards away.  "Phil.  We're coming up on your location, we'll need you to let us onboard if we're going to get you back in the air."

_"If we drop the cloaking then they'll be able to pinpoint our location and we won't be able to get the power back to restore them."_

"We dropped jammers on our way in, we'll have time once we give her a jump," Steve said.

_"You're the ones scrambling the scanners?"_

"We created a distraction to thin out the troops but the woods are swarmed.  We're coming for you," Steve replied, nodding for her to continue the lead.

"What's your condition?  Are there casualties?" Melinda didn't look back and kept her voice steady.

_"How much do you know?"_

"Ward's a HYDRA operative, what about the rest?" Steve answered for her.

_"Triplett's dead.  Fitz took a hit to the leg so there's a lot of cooing happening in here so any exit's a good exit at this point.  At least the crying's stopped."_

She spotted the quinjet despite the projected illusion and gave Steve the sign for him to split off to clear the immediate area as she approached.  "Stay sharp, get ready to drop the cloaking once we've cleared the perimeter, Coulson."

She heard him speaking inaudibly to his team ( _not hers, not anymore_ ) and she caught sight of movement to her left.

She knew that silhouette and raised her arm to fire.

Ward's eyes flashed in the afternoon light and she hesitated.  His eyes were wrong.  She heard the gunshot before she could pull her own trigger and barely had time to take a breath to prepare for the hit when Steve's shield spun past her face and deflected the bullet.

Steve raised his gun but kept his eye on her, flinging knives and spinning stars, instead of firing.  She shook her head slightly and watched Ward disappear into the shadowed brush.

"I - " she started.

"What's our primary objective, May?" Cap asked.

"Drop the cloaking, Coulson, we're coming in.  We'll be out of here in ten as long as you haven't broken my jet," she said, turning away from her missed opportunity.  Their primary objective was getting everyone left out alive.

Ward could wait.

* * *

 

"Exterior looks intact, what's the situation in here?" Melinda asked, jumping onto the lowering ramp with Steve following a moment afterward.

Phil was visibly relieved but alert as he slammed his hand on the button to close the door.  "We're using the common area, we don't have enough battery power to keep lights on all over."

"Take us to your team, we're going to need everyone's help," Steve said as Maria scanned the dark bay even though she hoped Coulson had cleared every cranny already.

She wasn't prepared when Skye nearly tackled her in a hug when they stepped into the dim room.

"Oh my God, you're Captain America," Simmons half-whispered and half-squealed.

"Sometimes," Steve replied, kneeling beside her and checking Fitz's wound while they stared at him.

"Ward - he killed - he was..." Skye fumbled, her hands scrabbling down her arms.

"I'm sorry," she said.  She liked the girl even if she didn't think she belonged with SHIELD.  But there was no SHIELD anymore and Skye was still just a girl.  "You have to walk it off."  She put her hand against Skye's cheek, taking a page from Cap's book and making her meet her eyes.  "You are smarter than him and you're just as tough.  Walk it off."

"Do you have any superglue?" Steve was asking.

She sighed.  "Steve, you can't superglue everything.  How's it look?"  She squeezed Simmon's shoulder and appreciated the woman's bright smile even if she couldn't return it.

"Through and through, he'll be fine.  Fitz, right?  I need you to help me," Steve said.  "Hold this steady, don't let it fall."

He placed an Iron Man action figure in his hands and Melinda rolled her eyes.  "Phil, with me in the cockpit."

The Iron Man mask slid back on the toy and a holographic screen lit up with Tony's groggy but always curious face filling the square.  " _What took you so long?  I've got a hot pocket and a nap calling my name.  Oh, hello new minions, what's the word?"_

"May - did you - " Phil started.

"He's out there.  He's alive.  We'll talk in the sky, open that panel and pull out the hard drive," she instructed.  She pulled out the Hawkeye bobblehead and stuck it to the center console and recognized the familiar clicking as the toy scanned the dysfunctional navigation systems for speedy reprogramming when power was restored.

"What are those?" Phil asked, holding the drive in one hand and watching the miniature missiles from Stark's 'pocket sized air strike' kit patrol the area around the jet.

"Stark likes his toys."  She tapped the figure to make it wobble again.  "He's developed a ton of tech to recover from EMPs, that's how we're going to get our bus off the ground.  It'll wipe the entire system and reboot it with new programming to make sure HYDRA's not in the wires."

_"Say it, Cap, it won't work if you don 't say it!"_

The lights flickered in the cockpit.

_"I hate you, Tony."_

_"Say it!  JARVIS needs your love."_

_"Okay, fine.  I love JARVIS as much as a fat kid loves cake."_

The quinjet hummed to life.

_"The cake is a lie, Captain Rogers."_

"So I see you've got a crack team backing you up," Phil said as he barked out a faltering laugh.

* * *

 

She didn't take the time to talk to the recovered team ( _not hers, not anymore_ ) apart from setting them up in the hotel and sending medics and liaisons to get their stories.  She couldn't face them, not yet.  She had to talk to Steve first.

He was her commanding officer.  He was her friend.

"It was the wrong call," Melinda said as she closed the door behind her.  She held herself at attention.  She had to be prepared for a reprimand.  But Steve's eyes met hers with an evaluating but painfully soft look.

"You cared about him, you knew him.  I'm not qualified to question anyone's judgment in that situation," he said.  "I have a mass murderer following me around for god's sake.  I'm the last person to fault you for not killing someone you considered a friend."

He shifted on the bed and she found herself sitting down beside him.  His arm wound around her waist and she let him take her body's weight so she could sink under her mind's.  "He's too dangerous to be let go.  He fooled all of us.  He fooled _me_."

"That's not your fault.  Look how many people Pierce fooled.  HYDRA's...it's part of SHIELD.  None of us could tell the difference because it's been infected so long."

"I failed.  I can't...I'm compromised."

"I hate that word.  I hate the flippant way it gets thrown around like a bad thing."

She huffed.  "Strategy doesn't work with emotions involved."

"I need soldiers, I need spies and mad scientists and politicians.  My team's made up of people of all kinds, but the one requirement, the _only_ requirement is their humanity.  You're human.  He was your friend and your enemy and you made a choice that only you have to live with.  I won't fault you for that," he said, stroking his fingers through her hair, his blunt nails massaging her scalp and soothing her headache.

"You're going to get lectured but we've all had second and third chances.  We live with our own mistakes but sometimes they're not mistakes to us.  Do you regret letting him go?"

"I don't know if I could live with myself if I had to put him down," she whispered.

"Then it wasn't a mistake," he said, kissing her head.

She wanted to curl up even if she couldn't cry.  She wanted to hide in the dark and forget about her failure, her losses.  She wanted everything to stop.

"Take me to bed," she murmured.

He hummed, his lips still pressed against her hair.  "It's not going to make you forget."

"I know, but it'll make the rest go quiet, it'll make me feel something else."

He put his hand on the back of her neck and tilted her face.  "Let me show you how you make me feel."

* * *

 

He plotted a course of her body, mapping it with his mouth and rough fingertips.  He brought her off with his fingers and his tongue and whispered nonsensical blessings in foreign languages that she could barely hear but could feel against his lips.

_Goddess.  Wicked.  Symphony.  Crave.  Deadly.  Beautiful.  Fire._

She knew what it meant to be touch-starved as he overtook her, devouring her and trading her desperate breaths for his own as he arched to meet her hands and offer his skin. 

It was desperate, but not frantic.  He took his time and she let him, drifting under his touch and for a few moments, she wasn't an agent, or a soldier, or a failure - she was a woman with a man that thought she was special.

She reveled in it and by the time she was sated, he was breathless and lax against her side.  She wasn't going to complain about the wet spot considering how sweaty they both were at this point.

"Never regret saving a life," Steve murmured, lazily drawing constellations on her stomach by connecting her scars with a feather light touch.

"We're going to have to neutralize him," she said.

"That's probably true, but you don't have to be the one to do it."  He went quiet until she met his heavy-lidded eyes.  "Natasha was a killer until someone gave her a chance.  Clint was brainwashed into killing his friends until we gave him a chance.  It doesn't always work out, but you gave your guy a chance.  Some people only need one chance.  Most of us only get one."

"He's not my guy," she whispered, throwing her arm across his chest.  "You took me to bed, now you have to take me to sleep."

* * *

 

Coulson was sitting in the common area of the suite when she slipped out of Cap's room the next morning.  She had checked the log and knew he needed to sleep at least four more hours to satisfy Dr. Banner's health requirements.  Dr. Banner took his health requirements seriously and JARVIS was a tattletale no matter where they were.

She really hoped Steve was being vigilant about Skynet.

"Good morning.  I was going to bring breakfast but there are apparently a lot of rules about outside food," Phil said.

"Stark treats Cap like the president, he's a lot more protective than I expected when I got the gig," she said conversationally.

Phil hummed thoughtfully.  "Captain Rogers' support is probably the only thing keeping SI in business and Tony out of a mental institution.  The Stark family's hands have been in SHIELD's tech since the beginning and a lot of people pegged him as HYDRA."

"That seems to be a common thread lately."

Phil met her gaze.  "I'm sorry."

She didn't think she could accept his apology yet.  "Ward - I had no idea.  I would never have left if I'd known you had a mole on the bus."

He nodded solemnly.  "I know.  I've lived and breathed and _died_ for SHIELD and it's…"

"It's over," Melinda said.  "SHIELD's dead."

She finally believed it and she could see in Phil's eyes that he knew it, too.

"You found a place here.  My plan was to get down on one knee and beg you to come back to the team but I've been getting the stink-eye since I got here," Phil said.

She didn't apologize.  Phil was her friend and she thought she was protecting him.  "I was loyal to Fury over you.  I can't apologize for that, Phil."

"I'm not asking you to.  You came for us yesterday and you didn't have to.  We owe you our lives."

"Debts like that don't matter in our lines of work," she said, remembering Ward's dead eyes when he had the gun narrowed at her.

"So what now?" Phil asked.

"Did they explain the rules about JARVIS?" May countered.  "He's in the quinjet's system."

"Allegedly that means it belongs to the Cap now.  How's that work?"

They were allies, not friends.  She couldn't forget.  "JARVIS is specialized now, Cap doesn't trust anyone more than Tony and to him, JARVIS is Tony.  We can't have rogues with our tech.  He doesn't trust technology without a human failsafe so anything attached to JARVIS is under Tony's watch.  He stays bunkered down in the lab instead of in the field because we've got just as much work to do behind the scenes as we do in the field."

"I'm considering applying for a desk job after this.  My first team didn't go as well as I hoped," Coulson said quietly.

"We did good work.  You were still doing good work when I left," she said.

"We didn't catch the Clairvoyant.  He's still out there and he's still got people under his control," Phil replied darkly.

She had held off on her question but she needed to know.  "Do you think Ward's under his control?"

Phil met her gaze.  "No.  I think he's loyal to HYDRA and probably always has been.  I have no proof either way, but that's what my gut tells me.  He came after you, got in your head and then he went after Skye.  He had clearance, he earned his place with SHIELD but on the wrong side.  He'll be leading teams against us, May.  He knows us."

She knew her moment of accidental mercy would come back to bite her on the ass but Steve's whispered understanding burned in her chest despite Coulson's steady gaze.

"I couldn't kill him either.  He killed Triplett without hesitation in front of the whole team and I hesitated," Phil confessed.

She wished it made her feel better about her choice to know he'd made the same one but in the back of her mind, it felt like a double failure.  "Skye and the others wouldn't have handled that any better than learning about his betrayal.  How are they?"

"They're eager to talk to you," Phil replied quietly.  "I keep expecting Sitwell to come down and give us a new assignment."  He reached over and put his hand on her knee.  "Are we going to be okay, Melinda?  Because I could really use a friend right now that actually deserves my trust."

The door opened and Steve stepped out with mussed hair and a suspicious expression.

"Captain - " Phil began.

"Not before eight.  It's 'Steve' before eight," he murmured, rubbing at his eyes.  "Sit-rep?"

"It's not time for sit-rep.  You've got two more hours to rest or Banner's going to be on your case," she reminded.

"Oh."  He slipped back behind the door and the room went silent again.

"You're not coming back," Phil said quietly.

"I never left, Phil.  We're still on the same side, just in different positions.  Maybe you can take a desk job in the basement this time," she evaded.

He scrubbed a hand over his face.

She hadn't seen Phil's control slip often, more often after his resurrection, but never like this.  She'd never seen him broken.  He was lost.

Steve stepped out again, frowning.  "There's something in here, I can't sleep with something in here.  Hey, Coulson," he added, shuffling into the kitchen.

She rolled her eyes.  "There's nothing in there."

"He's pretty comfortable with you," Phil said, amused.

She rolled her shoulders.  "Cap's a soldier through and through, he takes down time seriously.  At least three hours of private wind-down after ops and at least four hours of sleep a night for his crew.  He doesn't follow his own rules very well but he has chaperones around the world keeping check on him."  She looked down.  "It started out as a job but it's more than that now."

"I thought Fury would be available.  I have a lot to talk to him about," Phil murmured.

"Nick's off the grid, I didn't even know he was monitoring the wires until he hit us up on the comms.  You're pretty important to him," Steve said, joining them with mugs of fresh coffee.  "He shared a lot of his contacts with my team but he never really gave you up.  Tony's a fan of your Brits."

Phil didn't hide his surprise.  "I thought…"

"Nick has his teams and I have mine.  Sometimes they cross over.  Since _'all your plane are belongs to me now'_ , I'm calling dibs," Steve said.

"Somewhere Stark's giving you a virtual high five for that one," Melinda snorted.

"We're headed to Boise, we can regroup there and we'll lay out the options for alliances."

"You're really taking our jet?" Phil asked after a beat.

Steve smiled at him brightly and nodded.

She put Phil out of his misery.  "He doesn't just want your bus."

"I want your team on my roster, and we can always use fast transportation," Steve said.  "You were working Fury's leads on your own until all this but it would be nice if you could back some of our plays.  Your bus has a unique set-up that could really cut down on our recon and research."

"Do I get to wear a white star?" Phil asked.  Something flickered in his face and she knew he was never going to stop hero-worshipping Captain America.

Steve smiled again.  "That's a whole other story."

"Barton and Banner are in Boise, they'll be glad to see you.  We'll discuss custody of the jet then."

Phil nodded.  "Understood, Captain.  I should go check on my team before they come looking for me."

"If you call down to the front desk, Fernando will send up breakfast and you can bring them in.  But I'm Steve until 8 am, okay?"

"Also understood.  Thank you, Steve," Phil said.  He followed Steve out of the room with his eyes before refocusing on her.  "I didn't expect to get invited to sit at the cool table at lunch."

She shrugged again.  "You'll get vetted like everyone else but we all know what it's like to be betrayed.  SHIELD's over but we still have work to do."

"Bringing down HYDRA is my cause now," Phil replied.

"Then you should be fine," Melinda said.

She felt more settled than she expected and she left Phil with the contact line for Fernando at the desk and stepped into the hall to face the team she'd left behind.

* * *

 

Fitz was whiny with pain meds and Simmons hovered over him until Steve distracted her with fluttered eyelashes so the poor kid could sleep.

Skye sipped from a giant mug of fancy coffee.  She had already made friends with Fernando by the time Melinda walked them over.

"Can I ask how you're doing or should I wait for you to talk?" Melinda asked her

Skye glared at her.  "You can ask but I don't really know the answer.  I feel like an idiot."

"I think we all do.  I should have known, I've been trained to pick out double agents," Melinda said.  "Now I find out that some of the people that trained me _were_ double agents.  They've been recruiting under our noses for years."

"Do you think he could be brainwashed?  Do you think any of it was real?" she asked.

"I didn't see him like you saw him.  I mean, he fired a shot at me yesterday but I honestly don't know the answer to that," Melinda said.

"He shot at you?" Skye questioned.

"He's HYDRA.  He wants all of us dead.  The sooner we accept that, the sooner we can move past it.  We have to move past it," Melinda said.

"Can we?  Can you?"

"We have to.  He's not like us, no matter how much he pretends, Ward's not like us.  Human life doesn't mean the same thing to HYDRA," she said.

"What's going to happen to us?" she asked, her eyes wide.  "I don't have anything left to go back to."

She heard Simmon's cheery chatter in a soft tone and saw the amusement in Coulson's eyes as Steve charmed the girl into leaving Fitz alone to rest.  He did have a way of handling manic geniuses considering his bond with Tony Stark.  He was one of the few people that could moderate discussions between Reed Richards and Stark without filling up the curse jar put into effect for meetings outside of the team.

"I don't think any of us can go back.  I want to take down HYDRA and I think Cap's going to be the one to do it.  He wants your team…"

" _Our_ team, you're coming back, right?  You have to, May, we need you," Skye interrupted.

"Things are different now."

"That's why you have to come back.  With Ward…we need someone we can trust.  Coulson - he's not the same now that SHIELD's disbanded.  We need you," Skye insisted.

Steve shook his head suddenly and caught their attention.  "No.  I disagree completely, I don't think we can be friends anymore."

"But - "

"Nope," Steve crossed his arms.

Simmons looked to Coulson who maintained calm ambivalence as he spoke.  "I refuse to involve myself in your argument.  I support Riley."

Steve and Simmons both looked at him, horrified.

"Spike and Angel were both awful for her, she was always better on her own," Skye chimed in.  She looked at Melinda.  "Why has Captain America been watching Buffy?"

"Teenage soaps calm him down," she lied.  Coulson looked at her knowingly.

"I have another 2 seasons of Dawson's Creek, but I'm giving up on life if Joey doesn't pick Pacey," Steve announced.

Skye smirked and elbowed Melinda in the side.  "Yeah, right.  You're such a liar.  Corrupting a national icon - I'm proud of you."

* * *

 

Melinda thought that the core Avengers showed up in Boise to talk to Coulson but after Tony yanked Steve off the plane and cornered him in the hanger and she saw the way Clint and Banner were watching between introductions - she knew this was something bigger.

"What's going on?  Everyone's all twitchy," Skye asked, seemingly stuck to Melinda's side trying to convince her by proximity to stay.  Or for protection, she wasn't sure.

"I don't know yet," she answered honestly.  Steve motioned for her to come over and nodded at Coulson to follow.

"Fucking mess, big goddamn mess," Barton muttered as he joined the cluster.

"What's happening?" she asked immediately.

"We've got a problem.  The Soldier shows up this morning asking to see Cap.  That wouldn't be as big of a deal since he's on the _'wait and see_ ' list of targets, but he has a hostage.  A hogtied and gagged traitor sliced up with Steve's fancy stars," Tony explained, flipping one of Steve's throwing stars that he kept tucked into his suit for emergencies.

"Ward," Melinda processed, remembering.  "How…"

"He won't talk to anyone but Steve," Barton said.

"This doesn't make sense, we were in the middle of nowhere, how could he have found Ward?" Melinda asked.

Steve and Tony were locked in a silent stare and everyone seemed to be holding their breath.

"Supervised, you can't talk to him alone," Tony said finally.

Steve hesitated but finally nodded.  "Fine.  Where is he?"

"The goddamn lobby," Barton said.

"Language, there are ladies present.  Melinda, Coulson, with me.  Bruce, take the science kids to the lab and keep your eyes on the feeds.  Clint, spot us from wherever you're nesting."

Skye raised her hand.  "I'm not a science kid."

Steve glanced at Melinda, not Coulson, for the call and she turned to the girl.  "Stay back and let them do the talking."

She gave a thumbs-up and fell into step with them.

Melinda caught Steve's arm and raised her eyebrow.  He shook his head, his eyes dull and his jaw clenched.  "You got this?"

"I guess we'll see in a minute," Steve replied.

"He's not your friend.  Say it."  Tony stopped in front of him.

"I guess we'll see in a minute," Steve repeated.  "It's not low priority right now, it's at the top.  This is _mine_ , Tony.  Stand the hell down."

" _Language, Cap_ ," Barton called from overhead.

"If he even looks at you wrong, I'm taking him down," Tony replied.  He poked Steve hard in the chest.  "He is _not_ your friend."

"May, what's going on?  Who's The Soldier?" Coulson whispered.

"The Winter Soldier, a soviet assassin," Skye replied, blinking at their surprised expressions.  "What?  I've been sorting through the leaked files for weeks."

"He's also Bucky Barnes.  AKA, Cap's 'bff' from the 40's.  AKA, the guy that nearly killed him in the helicarrier showdown," Melinda said under her breath.  "It's complicated but he's been helpful even if we don't know who he is or what he wants."

"No wonder Cap's been so understanding about you guys not killing Ward," Skye said thoughtfully.

"Ward is not our friend.  Remember that and stay quiet," Phil said.  "Steve's in charge."

" _Agents are in position, it's as covered as we can get it without a cage_ ," Clint spoke in her comm.

"We got this," Steve said, finally slipping into Captain mode and leading the way with Tony on his heels into the hallway.

For the first time since she joined up with Cap's team - she doubted that they had this at all.


	3. Chapter 3

  
The Winter Soldier didn't look like the pictures she'd seen in the classified files and media coverage; but he didn't look like Bucky Barnes from Steve's faded photographs or sketches either.  
  
He was dressed casually in loose jeans, blue converse sneakers and a fedora.  She'd never met a hipster assassin before but she figured that was the point.  She didn't react to the sight of Agent Ward slumped, shackled and duct-taped to the seat beside him.  
  
He stood up immediately and zoned in on Steve, dark eyes scanning him with intent.  What kind of intent she couldn't tell but she kept her hand steady at her holster even with the man's deadly metal arm motionless against his side.  
  
"I know you," The Winter Soldier said.  
  
Steve didn't flinch and he didn't drop his gaze.  "You did."  
  
"I remember things," The Soldier said.  "Remembering is against the rules.  I have to report it if I remember things."  
  
Tony was completely still by the door behind them and Coulson was ticking his eyes around the room for threats without changing his expression.  She forgot about Skye until she saw her shuffle in place at the opposite door.  
  
"I failed my mission.  You let me live and I don't know why.  I'm not supposed to ask why but I don't have a mission.  You set me free but I don't know why.  You let me live," The Soldier said.  
  
Steve shuddered as he realized what everyone had been trying to tell him.  The Winter Solder was not his friend, not like this.  
  
"Why did you let me live?  I was your mission but you let me live," Steve replied.  His voice barely wavered but they all heard the slip.  
  
The Soldier tilted his head at him.  "You set me free.  You speak to me like I am a man.  That's against the rules."  
  
"You don't have to follow those rules anymore, and you are a man - you're - " Steve bit back his words, his fists clenched.  He took a deep breath.  "You said you remember things.  Do you remember me?"  
  
"Captain America," The Soldier started but froze when Steve shook his head.  
  
"No.  Do you remember _Steve_?  Before the Winter Soldier, before Captain America - hell, before Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes - do you remember _**me**_?"  
  
The Soldier skimmed Steve, unreadable.  "No.  I remember things.  Things I'm not allowed to remember."  
  
"What kind of things?" Tony asked when Steve tensed but couldn't speak.  
  
This wasn't going to end well for anyone.  
  
"I remember.  A boy.  His mother had soft hands.  The boy was mouthy and loud.  Tiny.  I remember kissing a girl under a bridge in the rain."  He looked down at his metal limb.  "I remember using two real hands to help a boy breathe.  I remember straps and restraints.  Metal tags like yours that burn cold against my throat.  I remember being saved."  He hesitated.  "I remember...wanting to be saved.  I'm not allowed to want things and I'm not allowed to remember..."  
  
She watched Steve break, his body sagging as if his strings were cut and turning to Tony with a desperate, raw whisper.  " _What am I supposed to do_?"  
  
Melinda forced her eyes away as Tony moved to consult and focused on The Soldier.  "Why are you here now?  Why do you have a hostage?"  
  
He scanned her and focused on the white star stuck to her vest before turning to face her.  "You wear his star.  You protect him, too.  He was following our Captain but he was carrying the wrong kind of star."  He motioned to a stack of bloody throwing stars.  (She still didn't know who taught him how to use those.)  "I didn't kill him."  
  
"Why?" she asked.  She hoped he would tell her it was because he was brainwashed or controlled but he only stared at her.  
  
"If our Captain wanted him dead, he would be dead," he said.  He glanced at Ward, still unconscious and restrained.  The Soldier's voice shifted into something darker.  "I'm allowed to remember him.  He used the words that turn me off.  But I didn't turn off.  I don't work for HYDRA anymore.  My mission is to protect the man that holds my life."  
  
"You said I set you free.  You're _free_ ," Steve said, steady and tall when he spoke but his eyes betrayed the restrained emotion.  
  
The Soldier turned to him.  "I follow you.  You let me live so I will follow you until you let me die."  
  
"Bucky, _no_ ," Steve whispered.  
  
Melinda didn't think Steve could take much more and she recaptured the man's attention.  "So you'll follow the Captain's orders?"  
  
The Soldier nodded without hesitation.  
  
"Okay.  You'll put your weapons down and we'll take the prisoner.  Then you can come inside and report," Melinda said firmly.  
  
The Soldier blanched and swallowed thickly.  "The chair?"  
  
" _Tell him no, no chair - I have those files - say no -_ " Bruce spoke in her comm.  She was relieved to remember they were surrounded by non-HYDRA backup.  
  
"No," she said, catching Tony's nod from Steve's side.  She was the only one wearing the sticker so she had to speak for Steve's team right now.  "No chair, no chains.  Cap has different rules.  He wants you to remember, not forget."  
  
"I'm not allowed," The Soldier said.  
  
"You are now," Steve replied.  He focused in on The Soldier.  "I'm going to call you James.  Do you understand?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"James.  I don't fully understand what was done to you but one of the rules I have is honesty.  When I ask you a question, I need you to be honest.  Every time."  
  
James nodded.  
  
"Okay.  Put all your weapons on the table and then we're going into the building.   Some of our friends are going to take care of the prisoner.  Thank you for bringing him to us."  Steve nodded his head toward Ward and several agents walked in cautiously.  
  
They all had demons to face today.  
  
"Make sure the traitor's fully restrained before you send in the medics, we want him in lockdown when he wakes up.  Stay on him, Barton."  She turned to Coulson.  "I want to be there before you question him but I need to see what we can get out of Barnes first."  
  
Phil nodded and followed the agents out.

* * *

  
  
She was shaky, but couldn't show it.  She followed James and his sentinels, Steve and Tony, into one of the 'safe' rooms set up for visiting allies that weren't fully vetted.  
  
This was her job.  This was important.  
  
She couldn't think about Steve's lost eyes or the shard stabbing behind her ribs from Ward's sudden appearance.  
  
If he wasn't brainwashed, if he had played them all for fools - she'd rather find him dead than have to deal with his betrayal.  
  
Steve was controlled when James turned to face them.  His eyes mapped the room but his arm remained immobile.  "Are these my quarters?  No cryo?"  
  
"No cryo," Steve replied.  "You're off duty.  If I'm your Captain, then you're off duty.  Clean up and we'll have dinner and discuss your mission."  
  
James hesitated for the first time.  "I know you."  
  
"Yes.  But you have to remember more before we can tackle that.  Are you hurt?"  
  
"The weapon is deactivated," James said, looking down at his arm.  "Your prisoner turned off the weapon but it didn't turn off my mind."  
  
"And it hurts?" Tony asked quietly.  
  
"Pain is the only thing I'm allowed to remember," James said.  
  
Steve swallowed audibly.  "Take your time, we're going to order some food and then talk about…your missions with us."  
  
James nodded again but still didn't move right away.  "Am I allowed to go without monitoring?"  
  
"You'll be monitored remotely.  I'm taking your word that you aren't here to hurt us so until you break that, just…relax."  
  
James tilted his head again, studying Steve curiously before stepping into the bathroom.  
  
The room was silent until Tony jolted forward and wrapped both arms around Steve's waist as his knees buckled.  "Whoa there, Cap, steady."  
  
By the time she reached his side, he was hyperventilating and she helped Tony support his weight to the closest chair.  
  
"I don't know what to _do_ \- it's not Bucky - that's not - I don't know how to fix -"  
  
She clamped her hand over his mouth and he locked eyes with her but didn't fully focus.  "Hey.  You can do this.  He's not going to come back overnight, it's only been a couple of years to you, but he's had 70 years of mind-fucking while you were asleep.  You can't superglue him back together but he's alive and he's here and you have a chance.  Are you with me?"  
  
Steve nodded slowly and she pulled her hand away.  Tony gave her a grateful look and patted Steve's cheek with an audible slap.  "The lady's right, Cap."  He lowered his voice.  "You know we'll do everything we can for him.  As long as he doesn't hurt you, we'll do _everything_ to get your friend back."  
  
"He's not my friend.  Not yet," Steve whispered as if he was repeating a lesson.  
  
"You don't have to do this by yourself," Tony said urgently.  "He's your top priority and he's mine now, too.  You are not alone and we can do this.  Patience isn't my strong suit but together, we can figure this out even if we can't fix it right away."  
  
Steve's breaths slowed and some of the color returned to his face.  "Triage."  
  
"Exactly," Tony nodded.  
  
"If you two are on the same wavelength then I'm starting to be worried," Melinda said and a flicker of amusement sparked on Steve's face.  "You can do this.  You just have to recognize the difference between The Winter Soldier and Bucky Barnes when you're dealing with him."  
  
"I'm dealing James right now, a HYDRA defector with valuable information and a broken psyche.  Triage." Steve steadied himself, raising his slumped shoulders with familiar determination.  "Melinda, can you and Coulson handle Ward's interrogation?"  She didn't have to answer.  
  
"You'll have backup," he continued.  "Banner and Tony will run the diagnostics on Ward if we can use your labrats to examine Bucky.  We need people on these cases that aren't emotionally compromised to check us.  You and Coulson can have Clint in your interrogation and we'll have..."  
  
"We'll take the 'not a science kid'," Tony said.  "She doesn't seem to know any of the backstory and Barnes won't think she's a threat."  
  
Melinda blinked at him.  "Because she's not a threat."  
  
Steve pointed up at the ceiling and waved his hand.  "JARVIS has non-lethal defense protocols, that's not the kind of backup we're going to need right now to do our jobs.  They have information that we need and that's our primary objective, not our own...drama."  
  
She understood.  Ward and Bucky were different animals.  Clint was threatening and reknowned as not taking bullshit which they would need when dealing with Ward; but Barnes was a feral wild card that wouldn't give up anything with threatening glares from initial interaction.  They needed different handling and she didn't trust herself not to mishandle Ward without a failsafe this time and they needed information if they were really going to take down HYDRA.  
  
She wouldn't hesitate this time.

* * *

  
  
The medics were finishing up their first of many blood draws and patching up when she joined Coulson in the observation room.  
  
It was different to have Coulson following her lead but she wasn't on his team right now.  He was on hers but they both had a stake in Grant Ward.  
  
The interrogation area was set up with protection from psychic attack and it was shielded from all outside interference so if he was under the Clairvoyant's control, his orders would be blocked while he was in the locked area.  
  
"Do you trust these doctors?" Phil asked as he watched the medics scan and poke Ward where he was chained and restrained in the interrogation room.  
  
"Everyone's vetted.  You'll get your turn, Cap's got an in with the X-Men and psychics under contract.  We've run into a lot of mind control with HYDRA and Cap's guys upgrade their precautions almost daily," Melinda said.  
  
The room cleared out onscreen and Dr. Jenkins joined them in the viewing room with his tablet.  
  
"Did you pick up anything?" she asked.  
  
"Well, there's a big gaping hole in the back of his neck that I possibly held a tracking chip of some kind," Jenkins said.  
  
"Our new friend James must have known about it," Coulson murmured.  
  
"His brainwaves are normal, there's no sign of psychic, magical or medical trauma that I can see and initial bloodwork says that he's not chemically or genetically altered."  Jenkins looked at May apologetically.  "I'm sorry."  
  
"Thank you.  How long until he wakes up?" Melinda asked.  God.  If he wasn't brainwashed, the fallout would be so much worse.  
  
"Any time now.  We're monitoring him so you can go in when you're ready," Jenkins added, leaving them alone.  
  
"Where do we send the prisoners without SHIELD?" Phil asked.  "We've been putting out grease fires since SHIELD fell, we haven't made any catches and I haven't had time to ask Fury."  
  
"He wouldn't have told you but Cap doesn't run things his way.  Sometimes prisoners are taken out if necessary but HYDRA operatives are relocated to a location they definitely can't escape from," Melinda said.  
  
"I don’t really trust any SHIELD facilities right now."  
  
"Let's just say, the prison's ' _out of this world_ '."  Thor had convinced his father (his real one, not the imposter that had tried to take over Asgard after he'd failed at taking over Earth) to offer a far moon to house prisoners that couldn't be trusted in Midgard or Asgard.  Thor, Cap and Heimdall were the only people aware of the location and only Heimdall could open the portal to reach it.  
  
"I expected a bullet to the head.  If he's HYDRA of his own free will, he needs to be eliminated," Phil said.  
  
"There's a reason Nick's not on Cap's payroll.  Not to say HYDRA agents aren't killed every day in the field, but if they're brought in alive - he wants them questioned and contained," she said, watching Ward stir on camera.  
  
Barton stepped into the room.  "You guys got a plan together?"  
  
"He's been through anti-interrogation training with SHIELD so it's safe to assume he's been through HYDRA's training, too," Melinda said.  
  
"He would have been immunized for any known truth serum because of his security level," Coulson followed up.  
  
"Magic it is," Barton said, pulling the ornate box Steve kept in the same safe as his shield.  
  
"Is that Asgardian?" Phil asked as Melinda took it in her gloved hand.  
  
She nodded.  "It's only for special cases."  
  
"It's only approved for assholes that have already gotten one over on us," Clint said.  "Doesn't hurt them, just turns their heads inside out."  
  
Melinda didn't like using it, it was lazy but she saw the need for it today.  "It makes them say what they're trying _not_ to say.  We'll give him a chance to talk before we bring it out."  
  
"I don't know if I like you having cooler toys than me," Phil said.

* * *

  
  
They didn't discuss an interrogation technique but they were on the same page when they stepped into the room.  
  
Ward turned to them with unrepentant eyes and smiled.  She bit back a shudder.  
  
God, she'd been blind.  
  
They didn't speak and took seats on each side.  Barton slid a chair up and propped his feet at the end of the bed.  
  
"I have to admit, I'm curious to see what you try to get me to talk," Ward said.  "Nice setup you've got here, though, I'm sure my superiors are going to enjoy tearing it apart."  
  
She hadn't taken him for a talker but he'd proved that he was a master manipulator.  They were going to let him play it out for a bit.  
  
"Come on, let's get this party started.  You know too much already for me to bother pretending that I'm on your side."  He widened his eyes dramatically.  "I've been brainwashed - please help me!"  
  
Melinda didn't drop her gaze but she didn't reveal the box either.  He was familiar with SHIELD and HYDRA but he wasn't familiar with Cap's procedures.  Clint had helped cobble together the interrogation techniques and technology and she had participated in enough to know how to work the controls.  She knew Phil would play along.  
  
She tapped the screen without looking away and heard the soft beep as Ward's bed started to warm.  Sweat started to form on his forehead.  It wouldn't get hot enough to burn his skin but as the cuffs started to glow - it would make him very uncomfortable.  
  
"They'll find me soon so you might as well get it out of your system," he said, shifting with a frown on the bed.  
  
She snorted.  HYDRA wasn't known for staging rescues.  She tapped her tablet and heard another soft beep as Tony's imperceptible biting nanobots started to crawl over Ward's restrained form.  
  
"What the _fuck_ , you've got to be kidding," Ward laughed, but there was a flicker of panic in his eyes as he realized what was happening.  "Is this all you've got?"  
  
She turned to Coulson.  "What do you think, do you want to hear him lie or just get to the point?"  
  
"He's a low level HYDRA operative, I don't know if he's worth the time," Phil replied.  
  
"Fuck you, low level - they'll come for me - " Ward started.  
  
"I can count on no hands how many times HYDRA's tried to take back our prisoners," Clint muttered.  
  
"You're wrong - Heil Hydra - " Ward hissed, visibly distressed by the heat and stinging nanobots.  
  
She took the box and placed it on the beside tray and Ward's eyes followed it with undisguised anger until she put her finger on the latch and it sprang open.  A yellow beam of light immediately landed on his face like a magical spotlight.  
  
"How long have you served HYDRA?" Phil asked  
  
"My whole life - from birth - " Ward said in a burst, visibly surprised at his own voice.  
  
"And what's your primary objective?" Melinda continued.  
  
"To destroy SHIELD from the inside, heil Hydra, to bring Agent Coulson in to find out why he survived  - to find out as much as possible about - goddammit - plans - " Ward spat, unable to hold back the answers.  
  
"How do you know the Winter Soldier?" Barton asked, taking his turn.  
  
"All rising agents are shown the soldier - he's one of their greatest successes - a mindless servant to the true cause - Hydra will reign supreme - "  
  
She saw her disappointment mirrored in Phil's eyes.  He was saying that because he believed it was true.  
  
"Who do you answer to?" she asked.  
  
Ward started spouting off names and her tablet lit up as the list populated and JARVIS started linking up with associated files.  She was numb.  
  
He was her friend, her lover, her teammate.  
  
He was a liar, a traitor, an enemy.  
  
"What did you do with the information you took from the quinjet?" Phil asked when he finally ran out of names.  
  
"Fuck - I couldn't get past Skye's encryption - I need her to break it before I take it to Garrett," Ward said, rage in his eyes from his struggle to keep in the words.  
  
She had to give Skye points for thinking ahead.  
  
Clint leaned forward, notching the heat up on the bed with a button on the edge.  "What are the words to unlock The Soldier?"  
  
"There's no unlocking him - he's a machine - there's more metal than brain matter in that monster's head - " Ward spat.  "What are you doing to me?"  
  
"Making you honest for the first time in your life," Melinda replied.  "What did you report about our team?"  
  
"I couldn't break you - I didn't know you were working with Fury - but they turned on you so fast, it was beautiful - once you were out of the way," Ward started.  "I had them eating out of my hands, I've been draining the records for weeks."  
  
She didn't look at Coulson but she felt his eyes on her.  They had played right into HYDRA's plans.

* * *

  



	4. Chapter 4

  
"May.  _Melinda_.  We should talk," Phil said, not quite a plea but with a lining of desperation behind the words anyway.  
  
Ward was still spitting out secrets with Barton and the box.  JARVIS had cross-referenced all the answers and was feeding him questions to make sure they had absolutely everything from the turncoat.  
  
She couldn't listen to any more of his confessions.  She was strong but she wasn't this strong.  
  
"We need to regroup.  Your team needs to hear that and I need to talk to Cap," she said when he managed to grab her arm.  
  
"I'm sorry," Phil blurted out.  
  
"He fooled me too.  And you're right about me - I backed Fury over you but I won't take it back because you're alive and sane.  Maybe I should have trusted you, but you should have trusted me.  We play the hands we're dealt, Phil, but we're supposed to have each other's backs.  I came back for you," she snapped, immediately deflating when she saw his face.  
  
"SHIELD was built on lies and subterfuge," Coulson said.  "I guess now we see where it got us."  
  
She steadied herself.  "We've both changed.  You changed when you died and I changed the first time someone called me The Cavalry.  We dug our own graves."  
  
"Then I guess we're lucky graves don't hold us for too long around here," Phil replied.  
  
"I didn't know what they did to you.  All I knew was that you were alive.  I wasn't sent with you to make sure you were trustworthy, I was sent to make sure you stayed alive, that whatever they did to you didn't wear off," she said.  "I still don't know what they did."  
  
Phil sighed.  "I don't know if we'll ever know what they did to me.  But I understand a lot better now why Fury kept it so locked down.  You and Maria...but not Barton or Romanoff..."  
  
"And Sitwell.  Don't forget that Fury makes mistakes, too.  We can't trust anyone."  
  
He shook his head.  "That's not completely true.  We definitely can't trust everyone, but at least I can trust a few more people unquestionably now."  
  
"Cap's not Fury," Melinda said.  "He doesn't keep the same kind of secrets."  
  
"Fury's not on my unquestionable list anymore," he replied quietly.  "If I can't trust Captain America, then I definitely shouldn't be in this job."  
  


* * *

  
  
"God.  I don't know how to help with this, I really need Pepper here to be my counselor if I'm going to be his counselor," Tony muttered, digging his fingers into his temples as he stepped into the common room.  
  
"Where is he?" Melinda asked immediately.  
  
Tony waved his hand.  "Cleaning up.  I had to cut his nails, like I'm some kind of manicurist or something, but he was clenching his fists too tight and bled everywhere."  
  
"How did you end up as his life coach, Stark?  You two didn't start out on the best of terms," Phil said.  
  
Tony snorted but she knew it wasn't the first time he'd been asked that question.  She waited to see how he would answer it today.  "God, Phil, things are different once you sit down and talk to the bastard.  He's a fucking kid.  I'm older than my father was when he knew him and I dropped a whole bucket of daddy issues in his lap.  He's just...so _young_.  He believes in all the things the rest of us stopped believing in decades ago."  
  
"Santa?" Phil asked after a beat.  Tony flipped him off but the tension dropped a notch.  
  
"I'm pretty sure Howard thought finding Cap in the ice would have redeemed every shitty thing he ever did," Tony said, sprawling on the couch across from them.  "And fuck if I don't get it now.  But this Barnes thing, it's eating him alive.  I think finding him like this is going to finally break his spirit and God help us all if that happens.  He trusts me and I'm not going to disappoint him if I can help it.  Your science kids got Barnes' preliminary scans back and there's a fuckton of metal in his head."  
  
"Is there any chance of getting his memories back, or at least turning off the robot assassin part of it?" Melinda asked.  
  
"Too early to tell," Steve said as he joined them.  She noted the bandages wrapped around his hands and went to one of the supply drawers.  She found a set of fingerless gloves that he wore in the field and motioned for him to sit beside her.  He carefully pulled them on over his bandaged palms as she put her arm around him.  He went lax against her side, his hair feathering on her shoulder.  
  
"He's like a giant housecat," Tony muttered and Steve smiled tiredly.  
  
"I'm going to take some time off the grid to deal with this.  Ward gave us a lot of leads and Nat and Nick are tracking down some of the science labs across the pond to see if we can get some insight into what was done to him.  How are you guys dealing with Ward's confessions?" Steve asked, glancing at her and then Coulson.  
  
"Mistakes were made," Coulson replied quietly.  
  
"I don't think there's any way we could have known, he's that good," Melinda said.  "He trained for this his whole life."  
  
"Sitwell was hard enough to come to terms with," Phil sighed.  "This is just another slap in the face."  
  
"Where's James?" she asked carefully.  
  
"I ordered him to sleep twelve hours," Steve said, his eyes going distant.  
  
Tony hissed but it wasn't directed at her.  "Bastard was going to lie down on the floor like a trained dog until Cap gave him instructions."  
  
"He just keeps saying he knows me, but he doesn't.  It's been too long," Steve sighed.  She trailed her fingers down his arm, tethering him with her touch.  "I need to take the time away to deal with this but I can't let it devour me."  
  
"I told him that," Tony preened.  
  
The door opened and Skye and Simmons stepped in with Fitz balanced pathetically between them.  
  
"You're milking that, Fitz," Melinda snorted and he surprised her by winking.  
  
"It's officially cool down time, who wants drinks?  Are you even old enough to drink?" Tony asked them.  
  
Skye waved a beer and promptly sat down at Cap's feet, leaning against his knees.  "We had a deal."  
  
"I may have promised her corn-rows," Steve said, giving Melinda an apologetic look.  
  
"And you have to give Simmons pigtails, I may have promised Fitz," Skye chimed in.  
  
"Please tell me I'm allowed to tweet," Tony said, giving Steve a desperate look.  
  


* * *

  
  
She followed Steve when he finally tired of the impromptu slumber party and locked the door behind them.  They weren't coming down from an adrenaline rush this time and even if she felt steadier after the mandatory social time; she needed something private.  She needed to be strong for someone else so she could remember how to be strong for herself.  
  
He stood motionless at the end of the bed until she put her hand on his waist and turned him to face her.  She traced her fingers down his chin until his lashes lifted enough to show her his eyes.  " _Hey_.  Remember what you told me?"  
  
He held her gaze but didn't answer.  
  
"You told me never to regret saving a life.  Even if it's not the life you thought you were saving, James is alive."  
  
"I don't regret..."  
  
She kissed him and his words were lost against her lips.  "Everything is not your fault.  Sometimes bad things happen even when we do everything right.  You didn't do anything to cause this but it still happened."  
  
"I don't know if I can do this."  
  
"Hey," she whispered, kissing him again until he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.  "Sometimes all we can do is pick up the pieces.  It's part of the job."  
  
"We pick up the pieces, but what if we can't put them back together?"  She bared her neck and he obliged her, kissing a trail of marks down the line of her throat as his hands slid down her back.  
  
"Then we just have to make sure we don't break ourselves into pieces before we find enough glue..."  
  
"We are shit at metaphors," Steve murmured after a long moment.  She leaned back long enough to pull her shirt over her shoulders.  
  
"We might not be able to fix Barnes, but I'll be damned if I'll let him break you trying," she said.  
  
He shuddered and pulled her back in.  "Stay."  
  
"You don't have to give me an order to make me stay," she said.  
  
"I don't think I've ever been in charge when it comes to you," he replied.  
  
"Good.  I'm little spoon until your arm falls asleep," she said, leading him to the bed.  
  


* * *

  
  
"Oh sweet _Jesus_ ," Skye whispered when she followed Steve into the common area.  Her mouth gaped and she openly ogled Steve's bare chest.  Simmons looked close to fainting.  Melinda rolled her eyes.  She definitely did not preen.  
  
"You're objectifying people again," Fitz scolded, waving Steve over to his couch.  "I figured something out while everyone was getting drunk and objectifying you last night."  
  
Steve smiled, amused until the holographic image of a brain marred with metal appeared.  
  
"The metal's blocking the serum's regenerative properties," Fitz said.  "If we can remove it without, well, killing him, then his body should heal itself.  The memories might not come back, but we could restore functionality to the parts of his brain HYDRA tried to disable."  
  
Steve sat down beside him, turning away from the hologram and focusing fully on the scientist.  "Explain it again. Slowly."  
  
"You're banging Captain America?  I totally want to be  you when I grow up," Skye whispered, flicking at the marks on her neck and offering her a coffee as Fitz chittered at Steve.  Simmons was still slightly incapacitated but conscious at least.  
  
"Where's Phil?"  She didn't comment on the messy remnants of last night's styling session under her ball cap.  
  
"He's having a staring contest with James while Dr. Banner and Tony look at biometrics or something.  Geek stuff," Skye shrugs.  
  
Simmons turned to her suddenly and held up her hand.  
  
"Do you want me to call on you?" Melinda asked after a long moment.  
  
"She wants you to give her a high five," Skye explained.  
  
She sighed and raised her hand for the scientist to smack.  "Stop staring at Captain America, Simmons, or I'll go get him a shirt."  
  
Skye elbowed her and she flushed.  "Yes, well.  I should go get him a cup of tea and translate for Fitz."  She only stumbled slightly on her exit.  
  
"Did I miss anything else?" Melinda asked.  
  
"Coulson told us we're on your team now," Skye replied quietly.  "Does that mean you're coming back to the Quinjet?"  
  
She shrugged.  "I don't know.  I have to talk to Cap, I work for him now."  The friendship and, maybe, ( _possibly_ ) more was only a tiny part of her reluctance to return full time for another team.  
  
"I don't think you work for him as much as you work with him."  
  
"It's different now," she sighed.  "Our team's a lot bigger."  
  
Skye beamed.  "But it's still 'our' team, right?"  
  
Clint walked in and threw his hands up.  "Come _on_ , Cap, it's too early for you to make me feel inadequate."  
  
"It's not my fault you can't reach the pull up bars, Short Stuff," Steve replied absently.  "Sit-rep?"  
  
"I think we've gotten all we're going to get from Ward.  Thor's putting in the word with Heimdall, so whenever you're ready," he replied.  
  
Melinda glanced at Skye and wondered if any of them would be ready for this.  
  


* * *

  
  
"Does anyone want to say anything before he goes?" Cap asked, standing at the door while Melinda and Coulson watched over the younger members of the team.  
  
Ward was ragged and restrained in a specialty straitjacket and even though he was gagged, his eyes said everything as he glared at them darkly.  
  
"Get it out of your system now because you'll never see him again," Steve added quietly.  
  
"Are you going to execute him?" Fitz asked, not looking at the man they all considered a friend once.  
  
"No.  We don't need to kill him, he's not worth it.  He wants to be part of a master race of HYDRA so that's what he's going to get," Phil said.  
  
"Can't promise he won't end up dead, but his blood's not on our hands," Melinda said.  
  
Simmons surprised them all by stepping forward and smacking him hard on the cheek.  "That's for Fitz."  She smacked his other cheek.  "That's for Skye."  She kneed him in the balls making him double over.  "And that's for May."  
  
Phil reached out before she could hit him again and led her back to Fitz so he could calm her down.  
  
Skye stepped forward and spit in his face.  
  
The room was silent and she watched the spittle drip off his chin.  Melinda took a deep breath and glanced at Coulson, waiting for his nod.  "I think we're done here."  
  
"Everyone stay behind the line," Steve said.  He reached behind him and one of the guards passed him a carton of Oreo before he looked up at the ceiling.  "Heimdall?  This one's good to go."  
  
The burst of light and rushing air shouldn't have been a surprise but she had to blink a few times to accept that Grant Ward was no longer a threat to her friends.  
  
It was bad enough she'd never be able to forget him or trust anyone as fully again - but she could at least start getting over it with him safely off the planet.  
  
"Oreos?" Phil asked after a long moment.  
  
"Heimdall likes them," Steve replied.  
  


* * *

  
  
She watched as Steve sat beside James and flipped through Coulson's scrapbook of collectibles.  He was unerringly patient and while the assassin hadn't expressed a personality yet, he was much more comfortable with the buzzing scientists on his Captain's roster.  Even if Steve had tiny meltdowns after every session, they were getting easier to bring him out of with the man's slow improvements.  
  
Fitz and Tony were already showing signs of starting the robot rebellion and Banner and Simmons were doing some questionable things with dolphin DNA she didn't want to know about.  Skye had found her own niche of being the bane of Barton's existence by consistently hacking his twitter feed with fanvids from Kevin Costner's Robin Hood.  (But she still laughed under her breath when JARVIS played Bryan Adams every time he walked into a room.)  
  
"I tell you one thing, I never thought Phil's fanboying over Captain America would be such a major asset in taking down an evil organization."  Fury's voice was surprising, but welcome.  
  
"Yeah, those Beanie Babies didn't work out so well for you, did they, Sir?" Phil said, blank-faced.  
  
"What brings you back to the hive?" she asked.  
  
Nick's eye was locked on James.  "Wanted to make sure the situation was under control.  I might not be the director of anything right now but I'm still invested on how this is going to end."  
  
"I'm going to take on some of the responsibilities with Pepper and Maria with coordinating the teams.  With a quinjet at my disposal, it'll be easier all around," Coulson said.  
  
"They'll need a pilot but Cap's not letting you off the hook," Nick added.  
  
"Not that you're trying too hard to get off that hook," Phil smiled slightly.  "But we're happy to give Captain Rogers a mobile command center when he's ready to travel."  
  
Melinda saw Steve smiling kindly at James who had a finger on one of the photographs in the book.  "With Barnes back in the picture, that might be a while."  
  
"Xavier's sending us a mutant that can phase solid objects, she says she can get the foreign objects out of his head without cutting him open," Fury said.  "The war goes on."  
  
She nodded.  But at least she knew she was on the right side of it now.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Sara Bareilles.
> 
> AN: Thanks so much for the kudos and comments of encouragement! ♥


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